Reflections

It’s been a year today.

I’m not really sure what to think.

I miss her.  I love her, and I miss her.  A year is  a long time.  A lot of things could happen in a year.  A lot of things have happened in the year since she’s been gone.

I’m not really accustom to death.  When I was young, my family moved around a lot.  Life of a Navy Brat.  So I didn’t have the extended family a lot of my friends and even Jas were used to.  It was Mom, Dad, my bro and I.  The granparents lived a plane flight away, across the country, in opposite corners of the country from each other.  Aunts, uncles, cousins, they lived on opposite coasts and inner ones too.  So I never did the whole, weddings, birthdays, funerals thing that you might normally do.

Last year I experienced death pretty up close and personal.  Jason’s dad was fighting cancer, his gran had passed, and then… like a train wreck from no where, blind siding me, Shar.

I had lost a friend when I was younger.  But while she was a friend when I was 10, not having been in touch with her for almost 3 years dulled the reaction, it dulled the impact.  I didn’t really have a sense of continuity with friends I made when I was that young.  I mean, why would I?  The internet wasn’t even for public use yet, and when you’re moving from one place to another in the space of a few years, you get used to leaving old friends behind for new.

So… when my friend Kelly died at 13 of spinal menigitus in North Carolina (where her family was stationed once they left Groton), I was sad… but it didn’t linger.  Still makes me kind of sad, she was a pretty red head, freckles and all.  Her neighbor, young girl named Heather, was my first school yard “brawl”, if you can call throwing dirt and pulling hair a brawl. *smirk*

She had it coming to her.  Told Kyle I liked him.  (Blasphemy in the eyes of 10 yr olds.)

But with Shar… I never got to see her, face to face.  But I knew her.  We weren’t BFFL, but we were friends.  She liked to cosplay, she loved her tiny japanese dolls, she was an anime freak! and usually where I would get some good tips for good shows, she loved cows.  It was such an odd quirk, but adorable at the same time.

I almost wish I had her moo on recording.  I almost had it.  I fraps’d the Headless Horseman fight when it first came out, twice.  Once with sound, once without.  She was in the silent version.

Sometimes I can’t get the sound out of my head.

It’s probably pretty dramatic sounding, but this is still… painful.  It’s been a year.  There’s no more “fights” between her and Fio about which is stronger, the power of OOM or MOO.

I should probably go to sleep, but this unusual April heat in the northeast is keeping me up.

Yea, it’s just the heat.

~